“…One of the best things we can do for our kids is to find a way to stop being so frantic and frazzled. In the ‘Ask the Children’ survey, researcher Ellen Galinsky interviewed more than a thousand children in grades three through twelve and asked parents to guess how kids would respond. One key question asked the kids what one thing they would change about the way their parents’ work was affecting them. The results were striking. The kids rarely wished for more time with their parents, but, much to the parents’ surprise, they wished their parents were less tired and less stressed.
Similarly, Galinsky asked kids to grade their parents in a dozen areas. Overall, parents did pretty well, with both moms and dads right around a B. Most parents got an A when it came to making their children feel important and being able to attend important events in their lives. The biggest weakness, according to the kids, was anger management. More than 40 percent of kids gave their moms and dads a C, D, or F on controlling their temper. It was the worst grade on the children’s parental report card. Our children, Caplan argues, are suffering from ‘secondhand stress.’ By trying to do so much for them, we are actually making our kids less happy. It would be better for us and for our kids if we planned fewer outings, got involved in fewer activities, took more breaks from the kids, did whatever we could to get more help around the house, and made parental sanity a higher priority.
My point in unpacking Caplan’s book is not to make us all biological determinists. Our genes will never fully explain the variations in human behavior. As Christians, we know that God creates us in his image, as responsible moral agents. DNA does not determine our eternal destiny. But then again, neither does parenting. That’s the point. ‘You can have a better life and a bigger family,’ Caplan writes, ‘if you admit that your kids’ future is not in your hands.'”
Kevin DeYoung in Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book About A (Really) Big Problem
Are Parents Living In A Kindergarchy?
“We live in a strange new world. Kids are safer than ever before, but parental anxiety is skyrocketing. Children have more options and more opportunities, but parents have more worry and hassle. We have put unheard of amounts of energy, time, and focus into our children. And yet, we assume their failures will almost certainly be our fault for not doing enough. We live in an age where the future happiness and success of our children trumps all other concerns. No labor is too demanding, no expense is too high, and no sacrifice is too great for our children. A little life hangs in the balance, and everything depends on us.
You might call this child obsessed parenting an expression of sacrificial love and devotion. And it might be. But you could also call it Kindergarchy: rule by children…
…the longer I parent the more I want to focus on doing a few things really well, and not get too worked up about everything else. I want to spend time with my kids, teach them the Bible, take them to church, laugh with them, cry with them, discipline them when they disobey, say ‘sorry’ when I mess up, and pray a ton. I want them to look back and think, ‘I’m not sure what my parents were doing or if they even knew what they were doing. But I always knew my parents loved me, and I knew they loved Jesus.
Maybe our hearts are too busy with fear and worry. Maybe we are overanxious. Maybe we are overcommitted. Maybe we are over-parenting. And maybe we are making our lives crazier than they need to be. While we can’t avoid being busy with our children-indeed it’s a biblical command (Titus 2:5)-with a good dose of prayer, a shot of biblical reflection, and a little common sense, we can avoid freaking out about them quite so much.”
Kevin DeYoung in Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book About A (Really) Big Problem
Can Jesus Sympathize With Your Busyness?
“Don’t think Jesus can’t sympathize with your busyness. You have bills that need to be paid? Jesus had lepers who wanted to be healed. You have kids screaming for you? Jesus had demons calling him by name. You have stress in your life? Jesus taught large crowds all over Judea and Galilee with people constantly trying to touch him, trick him, and kill him. He had every reason to be run over by a hundred expectations and a thousand great opportunities.
And yet, he stay on mission. Jesus knew his priorities and stuck with them. Isn’t this astounding? Think about it: Jesus wasn’t just turning down an opportunity to play in the community soccer league. He said no to people who had diseases–diseases he could have healed instantly. The disciples didn’t understand why he wasn’t attending to the urgent needs right in front of him. You can hear the note of reproach in their voices: ‘Everyone is looking for you’ (Mark 1:37). In other words, ‘What are you doing? There’s work to do. You’re a smashing success. People are lined up waiting for you to help them. Come on! The crowd is getting restless. We’re all waiting for you. And Jesus says, ‘Let’s go somewhere else.’ That amazes me.
Jesus understood his mission. He was not driven by the needs of others, though he often stopped to help hurting people. He was not driven by the approval of others, though he cared deeply for the lost and the broken. Ultimately, Jesus was driven by the Spirit. He was driven by his God-given mission. He knew his priorities and did not let many temptations of a busy life deter him from his task…”
Kevin DeYoung in Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book About A (Really) Big Problem
The Real Enemy of Evangelism
“Fear, not ignorance, is the real enemy of evangelism. We fear that our friends will reject or marginalize us if we speak about our faith; we fear that what we don’t know will be exposed; we fear that our beliefs will be challenged. Back then, as well as today, we resisted shallow techniques for communicating truth to complex human beings. If nothing else, sheer frustration compelled many to explore fresh approaches to the subject of evangelism…
…I have a deep-seated conviction that much of our evangelism is ineffective because we depend too much on technique and strategy. Evangelism has slipped into the sales department. I am convinced that we must look at Jesus, and the quality of life he calls us to, as a model for what to believe and how to reach out to others…
…Our problem in evangelism is not that we don’t have enough information–it is that we don’t know how to be ourselves. We forget we are called to be witnesses to what we have seen and know, not to what we don’t know. The key on our part is authenticity and obedience, not a doctorate in theology. We haven’t grasped that it really is OK for us to be who we are when we are with seekers, even if we don’t have all the answers to their questions or if our knowledge of Scripture is limited.”
Rebecca Manley Pippert in Out of the Salt Shaker & into the World
Different Stories, Same Miracle: Conversion
“All stories of conversion are different. Some conversions are dramatic, others quiet. Some people respond out of crisis, others in calm. But the common element in every story is that, one way or another, God reaches us. He comes through. He does not abandon us. But neither does he barge in uninvited.
In more than thirty years that I have been a Christian, I have seen many people turn their lives over to God and be changed. And yet the awesome mystery of conversion never fails to move me. Any Christian who walks with God over a period of time witnesses the marvelous acts of God’s mercy and power. We see him heal people of illness; we watch him restore the emotionally wounded to wholeness; we see him forgive and release from guilt those who have been in bondage to sin for years. Our lives bear witness to the countless prayers we have seen God answer, meeting the needs of the financially distressed, giving wisdom to those who seek it, giving grace and peace to those who suffer.
Yet for all the abundant evidence of God’s power and grace, what could be more miraculous than seeing a person who was once dead in sin become alive to God? I believe the miracle of conversion is greater than the creation of the world. When God created the world, he had no sinful opposition to deal with. But when a person responds positively to God’s call–even after the world, the flesh and the devil have all mounted their opposition–what we are witnessing is simply one of the greatest miracles there is. No wonder there is such joy in heaven over one sinner who repents!
Even more remarkable is that God invites us to be part of that process. We are his ambassadors. We not only have the honor of sharing God’s message but we even have the awesome privilege of inviting a response.”
Rebecca Manley Pippert in Out of the Salt Shaker & into the World (174-75)
C.S. Lewis on Community
“In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [Tolkien’s] reaction to a specifically Charles joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald…In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious “nearness by resemblance” to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each of us has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah’s vision are crying “Holy, Holy, Holy” to one another (Isaiah 6:3). The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread between us, the more we shall have.” – C.S. Lewis